In need of fur

 

 

Good Monday?

It’s going…Ok… around here!  The weather is crappy and it’s cooling down, A LOT.  I’m not a big fan of cool/cold/winter/springy weather. I guess because I wasn’t blessed like a monkey to be covered in fur. I’m furless and there just aren’t enough layers of clothing and jackets to warm my bones. Odd.

So I went in today and picked up a prescription for Mama MB’s pain medicine.  Depressed feelings hit me pretty hard today.

Still blaming the hormones, I’m usually not so depressed. But it’s bothering me a lot lately.

 

Pain Management needed,

Papa MB just text me. Granny MB is taking Mama MB to the Dr or ER today.  I may have mentioned Mama MB has been in A LOT of pain lately with her cancer and treatments. It’s a significant amount of pain in her back right now.

Possibly from the chemo or possibly because the chemo isn’t working.

Prayers needed for Mama MB as we go down this road here.  I pray they can get her pain under control!

It’s better to love and lose?

 

 

Mama MB’s birthday was yesterday, she’s at the young age of 48.  It wasn’t a happy celebration if you ask me.

I didn’t ask her, I dare not ask her much of anything these days. She’s insist on lying to me, to everyone. I hate to call it lying, because it may not be a lie. She just neglects to tell us anything. When asked she says fine. I’m a woman too ya know Mama MB? I think I know that when we use the word fine. We are in fact NOT fine.  

It’s weird being this close to someone who is suffering so much.  To see them suffer in silence and to just stumble through what’s left of their life with a pain and shutting everyone out.

What can one do? What would you do?

Yesterday I posted that it’s hard to come to terms with losing someone you love so much, someone you’ve loved your whole life. Not like your significant other, it’s something more.

For those who say  it’s better to have loved and lost than to never love at all…. Try it!  You let me know how you can call that better.  I think they’re wrong.

If only,

I think it’s been easier for me to look away, to tell myself that everything will be OK. To hope I guess is the word I’m searching for.  But I feel the sudden sadness that maybe hope just isn’t going to cut  it.

Those people I love, the ones who are my family. Constantly reminding me of the grave situation.  I feel a little sad today with all the overwhelming realities.

The realities that I think I find myself tucking away with hopes that I won’t have to face them.

Reality is, we’re all going to die. The illusion that I’ve been seeing in the last few years is simply that. The realization and accepting of this was brutally challenging for me in days past.  I don’t think I’m ever going to be prepared for the loss of the ones who I love.

But I think reality is, they were born to die.  We all are, it’s just a matter of time before life ends for each of us.

Why do I struggle with that fact? Why can’t I understand it? That life ends for all people; sometimes at too young of an age.  It’s too hard to think about most days.

Why must we come to accept these things? Why must we come to understand these things at such a young age?

If only I’d known, if only I’d remembered. Pushed and pushed and done things differently..

If only..

It won’t fix anything. Things are what they are and well… We must just accept those things. Right?

Hang in there.