Her pain has ended



Mine seems to have only began …. Mama MB lost her fight against that bastard of a devil called Breast Cancer on Monday, November 26, 2012 at 6:10 pm.  My heart broke that night. Every moment since then a piece of it is ripped from my soul.  It feels like a constant fist wrapped around my heart, squeezing and pulling.

I’m hopeful it will shrivel up and stop aching soon.

It’s been since Thanksgiving that I’ve posted here. I hate coming in to report sadness and heart ache on my part. Posting things that just bum the page out. But it’s such a huge loss in this MB’s life.  One that isn’t taken lightly and won’t soon pass my heart.

But I’m doing my best…

-Hanging in there!


Ready for the weekend.

Happy Friday Dingleberries. It feels like a Monday here. Had Thanksgiving Day off and I’m feeling the lack of sleep kicking it right now. We were  out a tad bit late though.  Oh well, that’s what the holidays are for… Right?

So let me start by asking, everyone have a fabulous Thanksgiving or what? Anyone join in the fun of Black Friday shopping?  I’m steering clear of shopping this year. I don’t want to go at it, let along with the rest of the state on my heels.  Just best for me to stay home and catch up on some sleep. I’ve family members who were out at 11 pm Thanksgiving night and didn’t get home until like 12 hours later.

There may be something wrong with (some of) the people in my family!

Today at work is just dragging by, I think it’s the lack of sleep part of it that’s making it so bad. I neglected to snap any photos yesterday. The kids were being pretty good and we were able to spend time with family.

All in all, pretty good day.

Now for this Friday to get done with, we’re going tree shopping tonight.  Then time to….relax?  Wait?  What’s that word mean?

Till next time,


Hang in there!

Woe is Me: Selfish Me


Last night was a rough night.

Hopes and wishes crushed…..

My grandma called me last night, while at the hair cut store

My aunt called me…

My aunt called again, still unsure what her screams and sobs were saying to me.

My uncle called me.

Time spent with Mama and Papa MB.

Mama MB looks like a skeleton in that dim lit room.

My heart breaks.

The family quarrels.

How did I get put into the middle of it?

Life isn’t fair.

I’m a selfish brat for wishing, with all of my heart, that she doesn’t pass on my birthday. That she’s here with me, one last time on one of her most favorite days of the year!

-Hang in there    ??? How?

People that irk me!

Just a quick update for tonight…

Well apparently I’ve neglected to update my friends on the Facebook that I am indeed pregos.  Yea so I have no idea how I managed to do that. I assume I told everyone I gave a crap about and just kind of left it at that.

So today I “outed” myself and got some crazy responses to it, mostly “oh my god” “congrats” and “I had no idea”. But  I got one response and for some reason it really irked me….  She said “it’s about damn time you mentioned it”  For some reason that irritated the shit out of me.

This is a girl I added earlier in the year, last year perhaps. Added her when Mr MB and I got together and I put forth a bit of effort to chat with her and be friends only to feel as though it was just a one way thing there.  So she says this today and I really just kind huffed and said whatthefuck?

Maybe I’m just taking it the wrong way?

Shouldn’t she have said something like, “lol” on the end of it? Or added a silly smiley face or  something? It’s something I would do if I were saying some shit that seems over the lineish…  It’s kind of like, look, ok so I’ve no idea who you are really, other than we  have chatted a few times.. I wouldn’t say something like “bout time” without adding a LOL or a goofy smiley.  That’s just me, but then again.. I do expect way to much of people which usually leads to me being disappointed at the end of the day!

Things are really “over the line” for me lately aren’t they?

Ok Ok, rant over!!

Last thing for tonight…  I watched last weeks episode of The Walking Dead tonight. I take back all of the bad things I said about Lori!  I cried through the end  of the episode, like such a girl!  It’s OK though. I loved it, I’ve missed watching it.

And there ya have it!!

-Hang  in there!


There is always that one…


Good Monday and Happy Veterans Day for you veterans out there!


So as you know, I’m a mess of flooded emotions; fear, anger, stress. Not to mention the hormones raging from pregnancy! It’s understandable.

Mama MB had a good weekend, she was in and out of sleep. Still has pain, though it seems to just come and go when she has to be moved or move.   Being in bed all of  the time can’t help the situation any.

So over the weekend, with all of the family times.  We have a pretty large family and all weekend they were all in and out of Mama MB’s house.  For that I am glad.

Point of the post…

One of the family members mentioned Mama MB’s son.  One of them had spoken to him and advised him of the situation, asking if he would be coming down for a visit. He’s all the way in MA.  I don’t care for him. I don’t want him here. He’s caused Mama MB nothing but heart ache and pain since he’s came into our lives.

Now I’m in a spot where I want to ask the family not to speak to him, not to invite him to see her. That he isn’t welcome, because in my personal opinion.. He is NOT welcomed in our lives. I do not want him here to witness her sick times.

I’ve removed him from my life, completely and haven’t spoken to him in a long long time. I’d love to keep it that way.

I’ve told a few family members how I feel, but I’ve yet to muster the guts to bring it up to Papa MB.  only time will tell if I’m able to do so.

Besides I know the sorry POS “son” of hers isn’t going to show his face around here ever again.  One can hope anyway 😉

-Hang in there!

Is it crossing a line?



“There’s not much time left, sadly I don’t know that she will make it through the weekend”

The worst words you can ever hear someone say regarding the life of someone you love so dearly.

I don’t recall what I’ve told you dear Dingleberries lately about Mama MB and her health. They say it isn’t that good.   Things aren’t looking that great.

I feel like I’m either crying constantly or fighting back tears. I force myself to stop.

I can’t give up on her yet, not until her heart stops.

The point of the post… I’m seeking your opinions.

Yesterday a fellow co-worker said to me that he was scared his wife was going to get breast cancer, because she started smoking again. Smoking doesn’t always cause cancer.  But he adds that she has a lump and has refused to go have it checked…

Her mother also died in her early 50’s of cancer.

This woman has a 12 year old  from a previous marriage.

I cried all the way home because I fought within myself wanting to text him, my, co-worker, and beg him to remind his wife to go have it checked. Don’t walk!  RUN!

What would you do?  Do I cross the line and push to remind the importance of it.  Or do I mind my own business?  I don’t know how I will feel in the long run if I mind my business.

-Hang in there

An award, for me?!?!?!! awe shucks!

So I’m in and out of blogging lately, trying to settle things away and come to terms with a lot of things. A lot of acceptance in the making. It’s as hard as I ever imagined it would be. And will only get harder.

But I was shocked, surprised and simply HONORED to log in and come across

After the much needed break from any real thinking I’ve been given a “Very Inspiring Blogger Award”  Honored! Simply honored.  This special award came from The Girl, go check her out. You won’t regret it.  I love her style and feel her pain and words with each post that she shares with the blogosphere.

So let’s move on with the rules and posting shall we?

Award Rules:

  1. Display the aware logo on your blog …  Question!  Did I just do that by posting it on this post or must I figure out how to paste it onto the wall of my blog?  heyalp?!
  2. Link back to the person who nominated you … Check!
  3. State 7 things about yourself .. .Confession! I hate those!
  4. Nominate 15 bloggers for this award and link to them … Confession!  I don’t know if I know 15 bloggers 😉
  5. Notify those bloggers of the award and it’s requirements…. fun stuff right?

Seven things about the Monkey Butt:

  1. I have a weak spot for a cute monkey!
  2. Monkey Butts make me giggle.  Have you seen the powder? Hilarious!
  3. I’m hoping one day, when all that I love is gone,  that I can get away from this place.
  4. The presidential election yesterday was no surprise to me really, it didn’t matter one way or the other. But I voted.  This is bad isn’t it?
  5. There are more people in this world that bug the shit out of me than those who don’t. My Dingleberries (you guys)  are not included in this statement.  I love you guys/gals!
  6. I really love blogging, like really love it. But I’ve never nothing blog worthy to say. It’s all Monkey rambles and depressing posts of my life.  Go figure!
  7. It could ALWAYS be worse!

My 15 (fifteen) nominations:

  1. JoanneRambling
  2. Girl Meets Bulgaria
  3. Morning Warm Up
  4. Lizard Happy
  5. Act Like A Lady
  6. Keli has a blog
  7. Canadian Hiking Photography
  8. The Cat and the Coffee Cup


Well I only got 8. Hopefully this doesn’t ruin my chances at keeping my super awesome fabulous award!  Next time, I will be better off… Maybe!


There ya have it, very thankful and honored to accept this award!

Just a post …

It’s been a helluva time around here lately. I don’t want to get into it too much.  I know you’re all probably pretty sick and tired  of reading about my depressing thoughts and stories and stuff.

I will report that I’m not very happy with this whole Christmas coming earlier and earlier each year. Why must they do this?  What part of it makes any sense? I does nothing bu frustrate me each time I go into a store.  Not just shopping malls or department stores or something. Oh no!  It’s all stores!!  It’s sickening..

I will also report that Mama MB is in the hospital, she’s pretty sick. But she’s hanging in there!

Lastly I just want to say thanks to The Girl for the awesome blog award. I’m hoping tomorrow isn’t so very busy and I can get to work on that post!!  I’m excited!

So with that I leave you today… Don’t forget to vote. Everyone keeps saying that?  🙂

-Hang in there!