Grudges

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I can’t seem to shake this grudge I’m holding on to.

I assume it’s easy in rough times like these.

When you’re in a selfish state of mind and someone hurt your core.

It’s easy for me to hurt,

It’s easy for me to dislike.

Because I am hurt, I am not liking.

I’m wishing that I could shake the grudge, because I’m suppose to care for this person.  If only a little bit.

 

-Hang in there!

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Scared, a little.

 

I can’t remember mentioning this on Friday or not, but no better time than right now.

There isn’t much going on at work anyways.

Have I mentioned that I’ve been with my current employer for about 7 years now?  Here lately I’ve the feeling, the stress and frustration that my time here is coming to an end. I know the economy is rough and times are hard.  Which doesn’t explain the Now Hiring signs I see littering the city here. That aside, I feel the urge to do something else.

I’ve clicked some buttons online and have sent my information into a couple of cooking schools in the Atlanta, GA area. I’m excited and terrified at  the same time.

I did nothing educational after HS 12 years ago… Shame I know. I did attempt the Real Estate field, but failed miserably on their testings. In my defense I was in the beginning stages of a separation and a divorce. That’s not a good excuse is it?

Needless to say I didn’t keep trying. I gave up. Typical of me.

In the past couple of years I’ve toyed with the idea of attempting to be a police officer.  After much though I decided, though glamorous, there is a good chance it won’t be the road for me.

 

Now I think  I want to be a chef. How cool right?  Creating yummy foods and in the future I could aspire to be the chef of my own restaurant. How awesome would that be?

 

 

 

I think it could be an interesting chapter to my life, it won’t come with out sacrifice though.  Which brings me to the fear.

As I said earlier, I’ve been here for 7 years.

I worry that I could flip and flop and never find the kitchen for me. OR worse there just isn’t any work for a chef anymore. That maybe the glamour of that job is what you see on television. Never going much further than that.

I don’t know what to do, I will however talk to the admission lady and see what they say, the deets if you will.  She’s calling me today after work… terrified!

 

Hang(ing) in there!

 

I’ve been having these thoughts lately, it’s bugging me.  Long story short, when we were kids we spent a good deal of time with family members, as well as Mama MB; Popa MB not being in our lives until later in life.

So we would spend time with my uncle, Mama MB’s brother, and his soon to be wife. We loved them, she would take us to her parents house. Her mother made the most awesome peanut butter balls EVER! To this day I think about those peanut butter balls.

I wonder if she still makes them?

They were unwed and without children and would treat us as though we were the closest thing that had. Because we were. I remember they bought us (my sister and I) matching  jackets. They were the coolest things ever!  Coolest shit you ever seen!  I ain’t lying either!

I see pictures of us all together at times, Granny MB has them somewhere. And then there are pictures of us with their first-born. I remember their wedding.

My aunt tells me that something happened one day, something just snapped with Mama MB and she doesn’t know what. But we weren’t able to spend time with my aunt and uncle anymore.

Lately I’ve been wondering what might have happened. I miss her, we talk often these days. Which is new and it was last year she told me this tale and that she didn’t know what happened either.

It upset me to see her ache a little inside, to see her sad. I love them, still.

  Just a few …

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Just a few things for today…

  • Mama MB seemed to feel OK yesterday, she was struggling with her epilepsy though.  Poor thang, I wish she didn’t have so much to deal with.
  • Signing up for another road race is just what I need to motivate me to do some running.
  • I ate one of the chicken wraps at Chikfila today and OMIGOD it was so tasty!    That place is quite heavenly!  Anyone else agree?
  • I’ve decided I’ve been at my job long enough, seven years. It hit me hard earlier, getting pissed off with one of my co-workers again. It’s time.  I’ve been seriously considering signing up for culinary school. The thought of altering my whole life though makes me nervous.

So today has been up and down, started out down and just climbed as the day went on. I enjoy that from time to time, but I’d prefer it start big and then wind down for the end of the day.  Usually doesn’t work out that way huh?

So that’s what I have for today. It’s been a busy day what with my other blogs and reading everything you awesome folks are blogging as well.  If I actually decide to change jobs and get some education under my belt, I won’t have all this time anymore. That makes me sad!

Hang in there!