Grudges

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I can’t seem to shake this grudge I’m holding on to.

I assume it’s easy in rough times like these.

When you’re in a selfish state of mind and someone hurt your core.

It’s easy for me to hurt,

It’s easy for me to dislike.

Because I am hurt, I am not liking.

I’m wishing that I could shake the grudge, because I’m suppose to care for this person.  If only a little bit.

 

-Hang in there!

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People that irk me!

Just a quick update for tonight…

Well apparently I’ve neglected to update my friends on the Facebook that I am indeed pregos.  Yea so I have no idea how I managed to do that. I assume I told everyone I gave a crap about and just kind of left it at that.

So today I “outed” myself and got some crazy responses to it, mostly “oh my god” “congrats” and “I had no idea”. But  I got one response and for some reason it really irked me….  She said “it’s about damn time you mentioned it”  For some reason that irritated the shit out of me.

This is a girl I added earlier in the year, last year perhaps. Added her when Mr MB and I got together and I put forth a bit of effort to chat with her and be friends only to feel as though it was just a one way thing there.  So she says this today and I really just kind huffed and said whatthefuck?

Maybe I’m just taking it the wrong way?

Shouldn’t she have said something like, “lol” on the end of it? Or added a silly smiley face or  something? It’s something I would do if I were saying some shit that seems over the lineish…  It’s kind of like, look, ok so I’ve no idea who you are really, other than we  have chatted a few times.. I wouldn’t say something like “bout time” without adding a LOL or a goofy smiley.  That’s just me, but then again.. I do expect way to much of people which usually leads to me being disappointed at the end of the day!

Things are really “over the line” for me lately aren’t they?

Ok Ok, rant over!!

Last thing for tonight…  I watched last weeks episode of The Walking Dead tonight. I take back all of the bad things I said about Lori!  I cried through the end  of the episode, like such a girl!  It’s OK though. I loved it, I’ve missed watching it.

And there ya have it!!

-Hang  in there!

 

Random Life: (blogspot)

8:00 AM-ish
My Facebooker friends have already seen this picture today, for those who aren’t friends with me on the Facebook check the MB Facebook wall, it should be there as well. There is a clicker on my blog for the MB page, mind you I will be attempting to transition my MB page into it’s own thing so that it isn’t tied to my  personal Facebook page. A lot to get out there and a waste I’m sure.
So this morning we’ve rain, lots of rain. It woke me up and woke Pokey as well. She came in and hoped in bed with me and MAXimus!  That dog is such a brat I tell you. I’m betting he sleeps most comfy of us all. I can’t find comfort because I sleep with him crammed next to me and I know this so I’m terrified of squishing him. I’ve even woke up before thinking Mr. Monkey Butt had rolled over on him or something and was frantic to push him away from MAXimus.  Terrible isn’t it!
It’s 10:30AM-ish and the rain has passed. I don’t know if we’re suppose to get more today or not.  I’m terrible at watching the new lately, so we’ll see what happens. Pokey wants to go swimming after work today, we’ll see.
Moving along …
Sissy MB sent me a picture this morning of a wine bottle she seen at K-Roger this morning.  It’s a wine bottle for breast cancer awareness.  What.The.Fuck.  The news made sure to tell us women folks, over and over again that our previous thinkings that we could drink wine and love life, that it’s good for us to have a glass a day. Now we’re doomed to breast cancer if we drink alcohol. A big FUH-Q to the asshat that thought that was a good idea.
Why yes you’re right, I am being super sensitive about a lot of shit!!  Forgive me?
Now for the finale, many of you have seen me complaining about friendships lately, I know I’ve at least two posts on it. So this morning I check my Facebook email and what do I have? An email from a ‘stranger’ telling me, confirming really, that a friend of mine isn’t the friend that I think she is. Now why the hell would someone send me an email like that? Should I run to think she’s talking shit about me?  Ranting to her friends about me and this ‘stranger’ is hearing about it because they happen to be a lot closer to the situation than I am? My gut  is telling me to delete this bitch, because A) I don’t know and B) I don’t give a shit anyway. She’s one of the few that have been on my list anyways.
I got a lot to think about and honestly I’m hoping to hear back from said ‘stranger’ because I’d love a bit more information and then I’m going to the bitch that thinks it’s wise to say some shit like that.
There I go, being one of those over sensitive American’s again.
Forgive my ranting today 🙂
Hang in there!

Damn these Mondays (from blogspot)

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I had a rough start to this morning. I don’t know why, just life and a bump in the road I assume.  It started great with Pokey though. It really did, she wasn’t pissy or mean, no yelling, kicking or spitting. A wonderful little happy monkey this morning. I was really genuinely happy.

On the way to work I started thinking, I’ve been doing that some here lately.  Time to blow the dust off the old brain I guess. Get some things to moving, because it’s been a while.   Since I’ve really thought about anything.

Mama Monkey Butt said the cancer was/is killing her. She said this to me on Saturday and though I wasn’t strong enough to hold back the tears. To not let her see me cry, because she doesn’t need that. She needs me to be strong, she doesn’t need to worry about me falling apart. I can’t fall apart, I’m her inspiration to keep on pushing.  Because no matter what she thinks, or wants to think.  She can beat this.  I think.  I know it’s going to take more than  just me saying so though.  She has to believe it as well.  I think I hope she knows she can beat this.  Defy her God and all of science and take this bitch down like no one’s business!  It can and will happen.

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So I’ve done a lot of soul searching over the weekend and it pains me to see and realize just how far my friends and I have grown apart. Though were we ever really that close to begin with?  As some of you know, I started blogging, because I’d walked into a room of friends who were talking about me. (READ MORE HERE)Talking together about some things I’d been saying to them. Now I’ve never confronted them and don’t ever intend on doing so, because it is what it is. I’ve done the same thing, far worse I’m sure.  I don’t know what exactly was said before I walked into the room, but none of that matters. It just means I started talking to all of you about some of my problems instead of sharing them with my friends. It really is a move to protect myself really, to protect me from those who can hurt me. As you all know, I most likely will never walk into a room full of you guys and gals talking smack about the Monkey Butt!  Right?  Ya know I fling poo, so it would be on like some pop cone!  Just sayin’!

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So I’ve sheltered myself back in and still refuse to speak out.  I did say something other day, because honestly I felt deeply insulted and offended by the lack of invitation lately.  It’s like no one wants me around anyway.  Then when I try and prove my point it’s just blown off, I then feel like I’m just there because I made a stink about it. Like deep down they don’t want me there, it was just an invitation out of …. what?  I don’t know. I’m butt hurt about it and when it all boils down. I don’t think there is much left to save anyway. Perhaps there never was.

Should I be sad?  I don’t think I can, because honestly, I never see them just as I may never meet all of you. But you guys and gals are much better friends than those I live next door too. Just goes to show, what you find in the world. We aren’t all wacked out messes who could care less about those they should love and or care about.  You Dingleberries are much better friends than most of those I’ve called friends for upwards of  ten years.  I think perhaps I’ve come to a crossroads in life and I must start weeding out those who just aren’t a good fit for me anymore.

Getting old is weird…. Isn’t it? This is my thoughts here lately, I blogged about them recently as well, some of you may remember.  If not, welcome to my messed up world.

Hang in there!