There is always that one…

 

Good Monday and Happy Veterans Day for you veterans out there!

 

So as you know, I’m a mess of flooded emotions; fear, anger, stress. Not to mention the hormones raging from pregnancy! It’s understandable.

Mama MB had a good weekend, she was in and out of sleep. Still has pain, though it seems to just come and go when she has to be moved or move.   Being in bed all of  the time can’t help the situation any.

So over the weekend, with all of the family times.  We have a pretty large family and all weekend they were all in and out of Mama MB’s house.  For that I am glad.

Point of the post…

One of the family members mentioned Mama MB’s son.  One of them had spoken to him and advised him of the situation, asking if he would be coming down for a visit. He’s all the way in MA.  I don’t care for him. I don’t want him here. He’s caused Mama MB nothing but heart ache and pain since he’s came into our lives.

Now I’m in a spot where I want to ask the family not to speak to him, not to invite him to see her. That he isn’t welcome, because in my personal opinion.. He is NOT welcomed in our lives. I do not want him here to witness her sick times.

I’ve removed him from my life, completely and haven’t spoken to him in a long long time. I’d love to keep it that way.

I’ve told a few family members how I feel, but I’ve yet to muster the guts to bring it up to Papa MB.  only time will tell if I’m able to do so.

Besides I know the sorry POS “son” of hers isn’t going to show his face around here ever again.  One can hope anyway 😉

-Hang in there!

Is it crossing a line?

 

 

“There’s not much time left, sadly I don’t know that she will make it through the weekend”

The worst words you can ever hear someone say regarding the life of someone you love so dearly.

I don’t recall what I’ve told you dear Dingleberries lately about Mama MB and her health. They say it isn’t that good.   Things aren’t looking that great.

I feel like I’m either crying constantly or fighting back tears. I force myself to stop.

I can’t give up on her yet, not until her heart stops.

The point of the post… I’m seeking your opinions.

Yesterday a fellow co-worker said to me that he was scared his wife was going to get breast cancer, because she started smoking again. Smoking doesn’t always cause cancer.  But he adds that she has a lump and has refused to go have it checked…

Her mother also died in her early 50’s of cancer.

This woman has a 12 year old  from a previous marriage.

I cried all the way home because I fought within myself wanting to text him, my, co-worker, and beg him to remind his wife to go have it checked. Don’t walk!  RUN!

What would you do?  Do I cross the line and push to remind the importance of it.  Or do I mind my own business?  I don’t know how I will feel in the long run if I mind my business.

-Hang in there

An award, for me?!?!?!! awe shucks!

So I’m in and out of blogging lately, trying to settle things away and come to terms with a lot of things. A lot of acceptance in the making. It’s as hard as I ever imagined it would be. And will only get harder.

But I was shocked, surprised and simply HONORED to log in and come across

After the much needed break from any real thinking I’ve been given a “Very Inspiring Blogger Award”  Honored! Simply honored.  This special award came from The Girl, go check her out. You won’t regret it.  I love her style and feel her pain and words with each post that she shares with the blogosphere.

So let’s move on with the rules and posting shall we?

Award Rules:

1. Display the aware logo on your blog …  Question!  Did I just do that by posting it on this post or must I figure out how to paste it onto the wall of my blog?  heyalp?!
2. Link back to the person who nominated you … Check!
3. State 7 things about yourself .. .Confession! I hate those!
4. Nominate 15 bloggers for this award and link to them … Confession!  I don’t know if I know 15 bloggers 😉
5. Notify those bloggers of the award and it’s requirements…. fun stuff right?

Seven things about the Monkey Butt:

1. I have a weak spot for a cute monkey!
2. Monkey Butts make me giggle.  Have you seen the powder? Hilarious!
3. I’m hoping one day, when all that I love is gone,  that I can get away from this place.
4. The presidential election yesterday was no surprise to me really, it didn’t matter one way or the other. But I voted.  This is bad isn’t it?
5. There are more people in this world that bug the shit out of me than those who don’t. My Dingleberries (you guys)  are not included in this statement.  I love you guys/gals!
6. I really love blogging, like really love it. But I’ve never nothing blog worthy to say. It’s all Monkey rambles and depressing posts of my life.  Go figure!
7. It could ALWAYS be worse!

My 15 (fifteen) nominations:

1. JoanneRambling
2. Girl Meets Bulgaria
3. Morning Warm Up
4. Lizard Happy
5. Act Like A Lady
6. Keli has a blog
7. Canadian Hiking Photography
8. The Cat and the Coffee Cup

 

Well I only got 8. Hopefully this doesn’t ruin my chances at keeping my super awesome fabulous award!  Next time, I will be better off… Maybe!

 

There ya have it, very thankful and honored to accept this award!

Just a post …

It’s been a helluva time around here lately. I don’t want to get into it too much.  I know you’re all probably pretty sick and tired  of reading about my depressing thoughts and stories and stuff.

I will report that I’m not very happy with this whole Christmas coming earlier and earlier each year. Why must they do this?  What part of it makes any sense? I does nothing bu frustrate me each time I go into a store.  Not just shopping malls or department stores or something. Oh no!  It’s all stores!!  It’s sickening..

I will also report that Mama MB is in the hospital, she’s pretty sick. But she’s hanging in there!

Lastly I just want to say thanks to The Girl for the awesome blog award. I’m hoping tomorrow isn’t so very busy and I can get to work on that post!!  I’m excited!

So with that I leave you today… Don’t forget to vote. Everyone keeps saying that?  🙂

-Hang in there!

Break down….

Forgive me again for going off on the depressing stuff… But I must get it off my chest before bed. I don’t want to carry this into my dreams.

Went to drop off some medicines for Mama MB and carrots for the guinea pig. Mama MB awoke on the couch.  Guess she’s been there all day. That’s the same spot she was sitting this morning.

She’s in so much pain.  Papa MB says the jackass Dr that is supposed to administer the radiation for her adrenal gland and back is out-of-town ..  OUT OF FUCKING TOWN!!!?:!??!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!  MAMA MB IS TO SIT HOME AND SUFFER AS YOU RUN OFF FOR SEMINARS INSTEAD OF DOING YOUR FUCKING JOB.

I’m so mad!

I’m mad at the Dr. I’m mad at her Dr for giving up on her. I’m mad at her cancer. I’m mad at science for not having a cure or a medicine that will work for her. I’m mad at God(s) for letting her get to this point?

They’re just going to sit around and let Mama MB die.

Don’t judge me, don’t dare preach to me. I’m mad at the world because it’s my Mama MB and I’m scared she’s going to die.   Sit and watch your Mama die or get sicker and sicker. Feel more and more helpless with this. Listen to her name off all of her family members instead of calling you your own name!  Listen to her threaten your father and tell him he’s trying to kill her.

I cried tonight, I cry everyday.

I want her to get better. Shit just seems to get worse.

Papa MB and  I did talk and I hope we’re forced to push for care, hospice or hospitalization.  She won’t eat and drink.  What are our options?

This is hard for me.

I’m sorry you were all a witness to my break down.  But thank you for listening!

It’s not time!

 

It feels like I’m losing her.  That my only options now are to sit back and wait for it to happen.  She’s stopped eating and drinking. Only taking in little to no food or water each day.  No one can convince her otherwise.  ” I’ll eat when I’m ready”

I fear she’s going to die.

Or that she will be put into the hospital and from there it’s a toss up.  Our hospitals sure have a way of letting sick people die when they’re admitted. Perhaps it’s just the nature of the beast? Perhaps they’re just destined to be….dead?

I’m sorry I only post these posts of depression lately. I’m in a hard point of my life… I’m terrified.

I love her so much, she is my mother.  I’d take it all away for her if I could.  My faith (or lack there of) is being tested. I”m furious with the God(s), with science, with medicine.  We came into this hopeful, this wouldn’t take her down.

She’s been through so much .. She’s so strong, she’s a fighter.

Are we all allowed a time to just give up and let go?

Should I accept this?  If so, how does one accept this?  It’s not time. It’s not her time.

-Hang in there!

 

It feels like I’m losing her.  That my only options now are to sit back and wait for it to happen.  She’s stopped eating and drinking. Only taking in little to no food or water each day.  No one can convince her otherwise.  ” I’ll eat when I’m ready”

I fear she’s going to die.

Or that she will be put into the hospital and from there it’s a toss up.  Our hospitals sure have a way of letting sick people die when they’re admitted. Perhaps it’s just the nature of the beast? Perhaps they’re just destined to be….dead?

I’m sorry I only post these posts of depression lately. I’m in a hard point of my life… I’m terrified.

I love her so much, she is my mother.  I’d take it all away for her if I could.  My faith (or lack there of) is being tested. I”m furious with the God(s), with science, with medicine.  We came into this hopeful, this wouldn’t take her down.

She’s been through so much .. She’s so strong, she’s a fighter.

Are we all allowed a time to just give up and let go?

Should I accept this?  If so, how does one accept this?  It’s not time. It’s not her time.

-Hang in there!

Can we hate the haters?

 

 

I’m still a mixed up basket case of  mess.  But I’m hoping and praying that the new pain medication and medications will get Mama MB back to a less painful state.

She said to me “it’s everywhere”.  I know what this means, from nameless sources. But I’m not suppose to know.  I can’t say anything. I don’t want to say anything.

Science or God needs to step in and control this cancer for us. It’s not fair for God to want my Mama MB. I want to keep her here with me, pain free, like new. Or at least what she was before the cancer.

Reading all these I hate Komen messages.  I’m such a mess with cancer.

Is it wrong to hope?  Ever?  Thanks Komen haters for making me think there is no hope left.

-Hang in there?

keep fighting…

 

 

I see you there,

your eyes unfocused.

The look of “I don’t care”

The look of  “I give up”

How do you beg?

How do you plead?

How can I beg and plead!

For someone I love

To stand up and fight

To not lay down and die!

How does one help someone fight!?

-Hang in there!

Stop the constant updates!

 

 

5:oo am – woke up

6:50am- got up

7:00am – attempted to wake Pokey up

7:15am – attempting to race for the exit

7:20am – on the road to drop Pokey off with Granny MB for the day

7:45am- hit the Mc(nasty)Donald’s for breakfast foods

8:00am- back on the road from dropping Pokey

8:30am- arrived at work

working

working

working

it’s 12:25 pm and I’m thinking about what I want for lunch, so hawngry!

 

Isn’t it annoying to constantly be updated about what someone is doing in their daily facebooking life. Here’s a message, get a real life. One that isn’t constantly updating with their friends and co workers what’s going on..

Maybe some of us could really care less.

You’d think I’d delete the asshats. Can’t bring myself,  it’s hiding time.. Again!

How are you?

-Hang in there!