Needing to get away

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So I’m the oldest of two children born to Mama and Papa MB and for some reason, as I got older. The more and more I felt like I was the least favorite of us two.

Perhaps favorite is the wrong word to use.

Mama and Papa MB watched me early on grow to be independent and to take care of myself.

I was only given one car and after that I was to pay for my own way. When given my first car it was necessary for me to get a job. Though they did pay my insurance and also financing of said vehicle.

But as I got older and older. Now I feel like they do more for my sister than they ever did me.  Sometimes I feel like they are closer to her than they are me.

Maybe that’s my fault, for being the way I am.

I didn’t stay home with the parents.

I moved away

I became independent.  My sister didn’t.

I guess.

I don’t know.

I just feel now, at this age.

With my Mama MB gone from this place.

I feel like I don’t want to be around anymore.

I want to go somewhere.

I want to get away!

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6 responses

  1. I was the same as you, independant when I was young while my brothers leaned on my parents so much.
    But that made my parents proud and your parents would have been proud of you too.
    It is okay to have these feelings. You will get through them sweet lady. You really are loved

  2. I am the older of 2 girls and I think I had to pave the way for my little sister too. She got to do everything that I couldn’t (staying out past 12, breakfast after Prom, etc.) She also got to go away to college and I didn’t… Middle child & they couldn’t afford it cuz my brother was dilly-dallying around and was still at Georgia. She got a NEW car after my dad died and mom wouldn’t even give me $1,000 of my “inheritance” to put down on a car and I was a single mom of a little 2 yr. old boy. I was really hurt by all this for a long time… my mom blamed me for my father’s death… said I broke his heart… cuz I was getting a divorce. I knew it was the grief talking so I tried not to worry about it, but it still hurt. Now that I’m a mom of two of my own, I see that I love each with all my heart… different things about each… I’m sure Mama MB felt the same. Moms really can’t pick a favorite, but I sure do understand where you’re coming from feelings wise. Try not to let it bother you cuz I’m sure your parents are very proud of you and love you to pieces… If could be the grief process adding to your situation or clarity, I don’t know, but I do know that you really are a good daughter and a sweet young lady..

  3. There’s been so much pressure and stress for you the past while, mb…. i think you should get away too! Find your happiness, your strength… get in touch with yourself again! You’re so caring and loyal and loving… and i know it can be exhausting! You so deserve to take a breath my dear 🙂

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