It’s not time!

 

It feels like I’m losing her.  That my only options now are to sit back and wait for it to happen.  She’s stopped eating and drinking. Only taking in little to no food or water each day.  No one can convince her otherwise.  ” I’ll eat when I’m ready”

I fear she’s going to die.

Or that she will be put into the hospital and from there it’s a toss up.  Our hospitals sure have a way of letting sick people die when they’re admitted. Perhaps it’s just the nature of the beast? Perhaps they’re just destined to be….dead?

I’m sorry I only post these posts of depression lately. I’m in a hard point of my life… I’m terrified.

I love her so much, she is my mother.  I’d take it all away for her if I could.  My faith (or lack there of) is being tested. I”m furious with the God(s), with science, with medicine.  We came into this hopeful, this wouldn’t take her down.

She’s been through so much .. She’s so strong, she’s a fighter.

Are we all allowed a time to just give up and let go?

Should I accept this?  If so, how does one accept this?  It’s not time. It’s not her time.

-Hang in there!

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4 responses

  1. Oh, I’m so sorry! It sounds a lot like a situation a friend of mine was in. She was a good fighter, but she got tired at the end. I remember being angry with God when my dad died (I was 25) but then learned at anger is just one of the 7 stages of Grief. My dad was quicker, like a week, but still a surprise and still a loss. I really don’t think that anyone will be able to say anything to you right now that will relieve your stress or depression. Unfortunately, you have to just go through the stages and grieve… don’t try to stop yourself because putting it off only causes more unresolved anger. Try to remember that whenever someone dies, then somewhere there is a baby born. It’s unfortunately life, for every up there is a done, black & white, happy-sad. I will keep you both in my prayers and hope that she is able to make her own decision and not experience too much pain. Sending ((hugs)) 😦

  2. My thoughts are with you mb! There’s no doubt that she knows how much you love her.
    Just remember… acceptance takes so much strength… it’s not the same as giving up or giving in. It’s the realization that certain circumstances are beyond control, and it’s the embracing of the situation in its entirety… ugliness and all. Unfortunately, acceptance doesn’t rid you of the pain… but it does help give you the strength to endure and to hopefully be at peace.

      • Just keep doing what you’re doing mb… keep staying true to your emotions and feeling the depth of them entirely. The pain, the anger, the guilt and most of all the love… feel all of it and know that you will always have the support of everyone who feels for you.
        No matter how long our lives here are, we all come from each other, and to each other we return.
        Wishing you strength and love my dear.

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