It feels like I’m losing her.  That my only options now are to sit back and wait for it to happen.  She’s stopped eating and drinking. Only taking in little to no food or water each day.  No one can convince her otherwise.  ” I’ll eat when I’m ready”

I fear she’s going to die.

Or that she will be put into the hospital and from there it’s a toss up.  Our hospitals sure have a way of letting sick people die when they’re admitted. Perhaps it’s just the nature of the beast? Perhaps they’re just destined to be….dead?

I’m sorry I only post these posts of depression lately. I’m in a hard point of my life… I’m terrified.

I love her so much, she is my mother.  I’d take it all away for her if I could.  My faith (or lack there of) is being tested. I”m furious with the God(s), with science, with medicine.  We came into this hopeful, this wouldn’t take her down.

She’s been through so much .. She’s so strong, she’s a fighter.

Are we all allowed a time to just give up and let go?

Should I accept this?  If so, how does one accept this?  It’s not time. It’s not her time.

-Hang in there!


4 responses

  1. No matter what happens, she will always be a part of you, plus she is always in your heart. I don’t know the problems and I am not here to tell you to just let go and let God…You have to go through this even though it hurts. Be there for her and with her every chance you get. These are the most important times to show your love and devotion. Please keep blogging your feelings, this will help you deal with the day to day ups and downs. We are here for you (maybe quietly here, but know some of us are here for you to lean on.). Keep your chin up and take each day one at a time! Thank you for sharing 🙂

    • Thank you!!! I will always be there for her, until she’s gone from this world. Then she will always be in my heart. I don’t want to think she could leave me or us or her family. I hope she knows how much we love her. I know she’s medicated and sick, but I hope she remembers we’re all still pulling for her to make it through this rough patch! Thank you for reading and sending your kind words. They mean alot to me!

  2. I agree with everything dana said… I left my comment on the other one, so sorry about that. Hopefully you can still read it there. She knows that you all love her and she doesn’t want ya’ll to be sad. She will be watching over you and with you always, in every breath of wind, every butterfly & every sunny day. Memories last forever… I have you both in my prayers. ((hugs))

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